No One

Dear bloggie,

I'd be a liar if i did say i've been good all these weeks. Because they haven't. Every night i close my eyes i see regret, i see pain, i see guilt; although it isn't my fault. But because of the path i have chosen, i reluctantly drag myself to every passing second and it's killing me. It hurts so much and i can't find anyone or thing to tell to because i don't wanna let everyone know about it. They're always busy with their own things or just occupied with their priorities which i can't blame them for though i might have just emptied some of my own space to listen to them.

Every morning now, i wake up and see pain and guilt. If i had a chance to change this, i would. Yes i regret what i did and i wish i could go back. I always tell people that i don't like regretting and i never want to but to learn from the mistakes done and take it as an experience. They always say never say never, and i believed. But why does it hit me in my face now? For the wrong reasons. I'm so scared now. It's not even when i close my eyes that i see it; but every time my mind lingers. When friends are around talking about everything below the sun, i can be looking and listening but not paying attention. My heart hurts from this feeling and my mind hurts from thinking of it involuntarily...

I wish i was dead.
I wish i never chose this way.
I wish i never trusted you.
I wish, time would move faster...

I miss you so much... You're alone now. And you're not here with me... And you left me here alone dying... Why'd you leave me... I'm nothing without your existence... I need you to live on... Please don't leave me here alone... I'm afraid... Please come back to me...