Revival my matey'

Dear bloggie,

It's been a while not hasn't it? Time flew past once more like never before; and I'm here waiting for some winds of change. Maybe not some, but a drastic one.

In year 2012, I found myself 3/4 times more down than anyone else would possibly be because of work. I don't think that's changed at all though.

Today, I look at it with a different focus point where commitments start arising and the value of money isn't really as scrumptious as it used to be here. The amount of hard work and every day pressure is much more immense  than it used to be, not to mentioned that my current superior is leaving for good. I will be once more, overwhelmed by the same amount of work I did two years ago in the same seat.

My nose got me real good recently too. I was down with antibiotics non-stop for the past more or less 3 months. I'm not addicted to it for sure but it gets into you or your work very easily. Yeap, I AM weak and it doesn't need to be reminded. Oh, the blood test also revealed a few unwanted results; which had to be known anyway. Whatever the consequences or facts are, I've gotta face it. Now you know why I'm always tired, losing a lot of hair etc? Sigh... Apparently there's a serum which can help though... Just not now I suppose...

Anyway, my nose is doing mighty good now. It's been exactly five bloody days since I was under the knife and have been recovering very well. Slight bleeding as suspected and a lot of deep breathes, followed by a string of exhausting moments: I couldn't even wash my own mug nor wring the table cloth on the first three days. BUT I pushed it and actually went out for a nice shop with my sister. It makes me happy to see her happy; and I'm happy that it was a fruitful THREE hour walk around the simple mall.

Mum is recovering from her post depression too. She was admitted to HDU in end May, not too long after I was diagnosed with a crooked nose. Her dialysis costs impacted both dad and myself the most, hence I pray for strength, endurance and patience that all will be better soon.

By the way, bet you didn't know I've finally agreed to join CF this year! Well... for an unexpected agreement really. All the plans are rushing through my blood into my head like an avalanche, it's just so exciting! I know I'm about to face the best six months ahead like I've never had before - so MANY things to clean up, so MANY great ideas to spark, so MANY tough choices to make and most of all, so MANY paths to turn to, I'm already feeling lost.

Nonetheless, I've decided to go ahead with my very special someone I was oddly united to. T's been only six months however it feels like six years. Now, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or news for such feelings however I must treasure these precious thoughts and emotions which I was bestowed upon after much prayers over the last two years. Ups and downs happen. This I find unique though. There are days when I feel choked up and unable to speak to him about, but eventually we do. That I must say is rather magical because I have been scarred for my own good, something I've learnt to never do again. I love him. Repeated in my past relationships? Fuck that. This is my new life and I plan to move along well with this.

Bloggie, I haven't really been able to sleep very well nor quickly lately. I hope that once I'm back in the office, my mind will be too occupied to think of the unnecessary. There're just too many things running across in my head.

I'll be fine. Just need some mind revival moments.

I love you so much bloggie, I hope you take good care'a yerself there while I'm away. There're some minor detailing touch ups to do by this month.

Another day, staring at the ceiling

Dear bloggie,

Of all days I’m in the mood to actually start typing out my long voyage for the past month or so is the time I have to remember that I stabbed my left thumb with a safety pin because of my missing button at my tummy.

In March, an important person to us all including the greens left for good. Now, I’m not being nasty in any possible way. I’m just giving an honest opinion and being cruel. But he has taught us living ones a stern lesson – to cherish what we have now and don’t forget that life can be easily taken away. I do horrible at funerals. I not only arrived at the wake at the most emotional and sentimental part of all but the most depressing one. My biggest hate at a funeral is the hammering of the nails to seal the coffin. I can’t describe the feeling. Isn’t a great feeling anyway. However, I have a dumb question – why were there camera men and photographers at the funeral? And they were actually people whom we hired for events. Why?

It’s been an up and down road these days and weeks but it never gets any better. My job remains a whirlpool of confused thoughts of whether I should stay on this greening-ful job or kick-start a more exciting one. Again, I’m not sure, and most of all not ready in anyway. Was talking to him last night and realized a couple’a important things I should always keep track of; including my health. Promised myself to take some time before I truly decide – July, I’ll see you soon.

Recently, I realized I’m pretty alone most of the time, find it hard to trust people and I crave revenge and vengeance. Ever since he left, everything was just evil. There are days I snicker at the pain they face. Some other times, I weep at the silliest moments I’ve gone through. Had a few nice crushes yet they had to all go away… One failed me big time – loved me, cared for me and crushed me bigger time. God bless you little child of January. We’ll see where you’re off to for giving me a ride of my life, again. The other one was a darling, who was then again too much of a darling for me to have him as a darling. He was TOO rich (and so wrongly sexy. Oh, his dimples I love). It’ll pass.

On the bright side, I had a good time over my shopping sprees and most of them were spent with daddie. Got a few of these and a few of that and it keeps getting better! I knew I used to be pretty stingy when I was back in my school and college days. I only spend on what I earn enough; the rest goes to my piggy (which has upgraded into a decorative Indian box). Eat cheap, buy super cheap and save like mad. Reason being was I couldn’t even afford more than what I could spend (pocket money was constantly borderline!). Today, I live with no regrets whatsoever. Well, yes I had a few because I worked over my free time if not I’d spend most of it at the junkie because I truthfully enjoyed it. Lost some friends along the way too and most of it was, “Oh bother, she’s working again. Let’s not let her know”. Or something like that. Some held strong, kept me company while waiting for my dismissal and mosey off. Good times my friend, good times. But the satisfaction I get from spending on my family, giving them the best of what they deserve and needed all these time.

L-R: Berty, mybigfatarm (fuck, I look like I'm a tennis player here!) and Serene. No we weren't drunk but there was definitely alcohol consumption somewhere somehow.

The one thing that's been bothering me is this friend'a mine who comes to me, rants and asks for advice on his torn marriage - all because of his bad screwing habit. More to come in my next post.

I can’t believe I agreed to go on a mad diet with the rest of my team members and colleagues. Tis’ so mad, I’ll post about it in my next upload. Now, it’s getting late and granny here needs to get her brain sleep or she’ll probably not do any better and extend the to-do’s which has already been extend due to some brain farts; or over expectations from over achieving humans.

Till my eyes stay open, I love you tonners and tonners, take care and I will keep you intact again soon!

*posted on 020512*



L-R: Mybigfatarm, Berty and Lam at the National Sales & Marketing Convention in early March. We're half drunk if you wanted to know.