Swept Away

Dear bloggie,

Life hasn't been great at all for me. Time passed on pretty fast as well; so fast yet so, i lost my own way back to where i wish it was. I sit here on our rattan chair leaning back with images of every glimpse of what has happened along my way here today. I feel glad and thankful to those who have aided me throughout my journey. Every hand that was willing to to hold onto mine can never be forgotten.

Those of wisdom's has shown me pathways or have drawn paths from different direction a every corner or anyone's eye; except mine. As i curl up on this steady brown chair, i close my very own and force every cell in my mind to work. Work to open up my life once more to understand what i have been through may be lessons i can never erase. Memories that will never just be left alone in the past and will follow me no matter where i stand. Experiences that each word has gone through this very small heart of mine.

Never in my mortal life have i ever seen what is going on. Such a huge change of a person. Such an engraved scar within me that taught me nothing but, to believe in your own gut feeling.

"Trust yourself and those who really are there for you!" she screamed in my head. To every corner i turn to, i see nothing but shadows and dark images that show nothing at all.

"Never change yourself and who you are. Will he change for you? Will there be a change in anyone?" she asked solemnly. I was listening. Little did i know, i was crushed into more than any particles that can be counted in any device.

"I told you so. You should've listened when i was there for you..." she burst into tears. Ripping my every part off myself, only to see what has happened to me. Broken and torn. Ripped apart and smashed to the very last bit.

Something was wrong all along. You gave me hope. Promised me and gave me faith. Told me you'll be there. Wipe my every tear. Could it all have been a lie? Or was i lying to myself to push all my sorrowfulness away? You've hurt me, you admitted. Blow after blow, i see it come smashing into my face. I stood up and manage to take everything up; so much i put my dignity down below and tried to learn.

Chances they say. How many does one actually have in a choice between yes and no?

"You pushed it too far!" she glared at me. I was at the edge. It was my fault. I regret. I am willing to learn. I'm trying my best. I showed you my pain and fear. My weakest point. Tore my face and laid my mistakes out on the floor. Choose as you please dear lord she humble pleaded. Lay my every wrong i have done and let me know. And so he did. I lost my face like i always have.

Sword of steel thrusted into one's heart can never be healed, recovered nor helped. Who can deny the agony and flashes of thought. It hurt. You gave up; but had a sword through my heart.

"Don't cry now my darling... This is as far as you go," she looked at me, face full of love and picked me up. She loved me. And always have. I never saw it. I saw it coming straight right at me but ignored. This is the foolishness i have done and price i have to pay.

Great lord of might and strength, to hell and damnination of life you may be. What ever you have felt and encountered is something you never have had. I have proven that we are no same creature and lock all doors in your path to mine. You needed to see it, and i have shown you. Hail all believers and mere deities who bow before you.

You won.

I have fallen.




Wow. I was so bored i stayed up to study for my blinkard quiz and this is what popped out! xD Gods! Back to study time loves. But nothing is going in.... >_>

Okay, so life wasn't as great as i hoped and wished it was... But, my downs would turn up if ptptn would quickly pay up the rest of my 16k or i'll be barred from my exam! What else would go wrong!

Tick tick tick tick tick goes the clock

Dear bloggie,

All i hear now is the clock ticking for some reason. It's been different since the day you walked out of the house on Saturday night and sleeping alone on my bed seems like eating dinner on my b'day alone. I read your blog and that is the most lovely writing i have even seen in my whole life. I have to say, i'm impressed with the live we've walked and i have no regrets nothing to be a part of you vice versa. I have so many things to say but i feel so darn weird just putting them all in words when words don't mean anything unless i mean them. Thank you for being in my life darling. Lets move on and have our life's enjoyed?

Life hasn't really been the best ever. I think it's a bad "woosh" of a wave sometime in life huh? Ok so life isn't always really that fair anyway. Only great stuff like, i was promoted to student counselor from being under a counselor and from an average student helping librarian. Life's just kicking up a little now. Oh wait, a couple'a weeks ago to be exact... Class also started. Well a couple'a weeks ago and i just had my first quiz in the morning by B. Mamba which wasn't great at all. 7 outta 15 is horrible for me. Considering that i only did start my reading last night *lalalala*

I am finally having late night classes again~ Ever since my first semester in some where 2007 if definitely not mistaken and that was Bio class. This time, it's Ari with his religion. Some what changed and not as he was when i TRIED going for his classes semesters before~

I'm single. Trying to adapt to it. Getting crushed with weird things around me isn't helping at all now. Life sucks. Rephrase. Life CAN suck when it's just bad.

The end for tonight. Gotta go prepare dumb presentation for Socio class on Wednesday...