Tainted Teal

Dear bloggie,

It's either me or my MSN really hates me today. But Youtube loves me! Yay loading of great vids~

Remember the photo of my recent nails I promised? Tadaaa~ (captions are obviously below each picture, not the other way round...):

This is without flash and it's a little further.

Flash is on, finger are posing to give that extra sheen!

The macro shot which is most appealing.

See that lovely ocean-ish and aqua touch? I fell in love with them instantly when they were still on the shelves. Now, I'm too excited to know what else I can do to make them more attractive and flirty. P.S. Thank you Revlon! =D

My assignments and presentations have OFFICIALLY ended; includes my college life for the past 4 years... It's a good thing & bad thing in a way. Good thing - I needn't face those dumb faces anymore! AND the college management is no longer stepping on my tail! Bad thing - There ain't gonna be skipping'a class nor great long 3 week holidays anymore at the end of a hard, worked up week... And the procrastination-! Ungh. Sucks. But like they say, every down side'a something has a better sunrise there, though it's gonna be a lot longer than I think it will...

Can't wait to get my eyebrows done then I can start doing up my pretty almond (omg I can't believe I said that!) yet tiny eyes with my favorite colors. It's been a little weird for me to start picking up on gold and realizing how lovely the color is, and I've been pretty obsessed with how I pair them up with blue. For example, a blue top with nice golden bangles and short gold dangling earrings. I still remain blue for the eyes like the one I did for my b'day at SR, the famous Gosh blue liquid liner at the bottom to accentuate my small eyes behind my magnifying glasses and a simple winged liner on the lid.

Example:

But the pencil liner on the lid was lightly smudged instead of a liquid liner which emphasizes the wing and line.

(Sorry about the size of the picture. A little too big but it refused to go any smaller!)

I forgot to put this up actually. It IS fake and photoshopped so don't get me wrong. I don't have blue-green eyes, smooth porcelain skin, pink lips (I NEVER put pink on my lips!) and most of all, I don't look like how I do in my pictures! Credit work to Bang Jo Jo who decided to make me look like a Doll:

Which I totally though was too cool except for one great comment by a friend, "You look like a mayat (corpse) with touch up". Which in a way I have to agree... Though I don't want to... By the way, see the difference of how my "normal" eye would look like in the picture above compared to the fake version of the Doll? Hehehe... No wonder models look great in the mags! I really really really wanted to send this picture to you last week, but things broke out and you didn't realize. Again on Sunday, I tried loading it up on Photobucket but it didn't wanna work as well. But today, I managed to put my signature on it and post it up on my bloggie. Yay me. Boo delays!

Anyway, you get the point. Sent you massive amounts of emails and offline messages but looks like you mean it when you REALLY wanted to stay away from me. Fine, I won't disturb you anymore. Great discovery about my call though. Now I can't tell if that was real or not. Pfft.

AND, I got an invitation to my god bro's 21st b'day party at some bistro I can't remember the name. The best typo the couple did was "11 Dec 7.30am to 12 Dec 1.30am". I was thinking to myself, "What the eff're we suppose to be doing at the place at 7am when the doors aren't even open!" Funny couple. I bet it's 7.30pm. Haha... Anyway, I don't know what I'll be wearing but since I've got time... Ngehehehe. And some extra cash... NGEHEHEHE. Probably not. Was thinking of saving up for something more worth while anyway.

Once my eyebrow's are set, what color should I try? Hmm... While I'm thinking on that and while you're bothered to join me, I really gotta get going now. The weather, typically is turning darker than ever and I believe a storm is on its way. Do take good care of yourself there bloggie. I'll see if I'd pop by anytime soon! Bye! Have fun there!~

Endless road

Dear bloggie,

Today was another horrible day. My head once again, fell from the sky and is now down under in dirt and pain. Now my whole body not only hurts, I skipped lunch today because I have no appetite and now suffering from the empty-stomach-effect. My whole body is showing its revenge and I'm so not enjoying anything.

If my love life would have rock bottomed recently, my group assignments just started joining the fun. One after another. I feel like giving up. I have nothing else to say today. I'm about to give up. My life, my love life, my assignments, my brain, my body.

If i don't come home safely tonight, you know where I am.

Take care blogs. Wish you a great night ahead. God bless. If you want to wait for me you can go ahead. I tried calling you on Skype & MSN to the point you refuse to even log in anymore. The time when I need you most, you're not here. Maybe you really don't love me anymore. I don't know how to cry anymore. I just don't. My heart doesn't know how to ache anymore, it just bleeds. I can't scream anymore, my throat is too sore. I wish I met an accident and never woke up. I'm so tired.

Walk like an Egyptian

Dear bloggie,

Can't remember any of my dreams today so I guess they were all fine but I knew I dragged myself off the bed reluctantly to go for breakfast at Puchong...

You didn't reply although for some reason, I just know you're behind the screen. Gosh... I can't keep forcing you to do something you don't want to either. I'll leave you be. As long as eventually there's an answer from you. For the time being, I had to look for something that could stop me from crying. And...

Finally, a totally inspiring discovery today was this:

The real belly dancing we all should know is that ladies who do those shimmies and hip downs and ups should have those flesh and size to move. Such an inspiring video of a plump belly dancer. Yea she's a little on the plus size side, but can you shimmies like her? I really admire those shimmies while doing undulations. Oh by the way, shimmies are those rapid movements of the hips that drives anyone nuts - seriously. And that stamina! Gosh. I picked up on belly dancing again (with mum's shawl on my hips and belly revealing top =P), and I realized how excessively energiless I am all these months since I stopped. I have always loved belly dancing and not too sure why not many people admire them unlike hiphop, ballroom dancing and so many others. One fine day, I'll spend my earnings for those classes. Hell, I might go for one soon! Haha...

My legs always gave up on me and I was bathing in sweat like I never did before! That however, was one great time working out while enjoying the sexiness of belly dancing. So what if I'll gain a few extras on my hips and ass (as if they weren't big & wide enough...)? The only thing now is the motivation to keep doing it like I used to! Ush!~

The next best thing was the Mario & Luigi - Partner in Time! I love the effects of the game and how cute baby Mario & Luigi are! If anyone of you ever asked or heard, I'm a big fan of these Italian bros from Japan (and Nintendo). Wait, are they from Japan? =P Anyway, the music is just too adorable and the characters are mighty lovely... Had a blast trying to koop-ah the koopa's and Shroobs. Oh well. Just one of those silly days hanging around on my own.

They weren't for the fun of going back to what I love to do and love all these years, I just hope that those buggers can keep me company these days till one fine days comes; so I won't be so lonely while you're away. It's a good way to keep my mind active and moving, than sopping and eyes soring. No, it isn't easy and no one ever said so. You'd probably be burning up the kitchen and cutting yourself into pieces... But I don't want to keep my mind too focused on what's happened although I know it's not the best damn thing I've done. If I tried approaching you like crazy and there's still no answer, I can't pretend everything was okay and spend 24/7 crying over it. I've still gotta get up and at least work on my assignment, or my body for this matter. You wouldn't want me falling sick (I THINK) neither do I want you (I KNOW) to. So please, I beg you. You might not want to answer me for eternity and shun me off for the two years like you mentioned, but I'm still here and waiting.

Then again I was thinking to myself as I read your post again, I don't feel like I'm worth your love and honestly, I did humiliate you in front of your friends and room mates (IF THEY WERE - I don't even know). The least I want to know is if I'm still somewhere there or not even close to there. That's all I want to know.

For now, shimmies, hip downs & ups, eights ups down front & back, undulations and Mario & Luigi will have to do. Oh by the way, I was procrastinating to do my assignment, I painted my nails with Ocean Breeze by Revlon and they're pale aqua blue! Good Lord I'm up to no good! Though I dont' fancy the pungent "scent"/"fragrance" they added into the polish... (I'll go a good favor and post up a shot of how they look like on my nails tomorrow...) ...

Whoops it's late now. I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams bloggie... Night night! Don't miss me too much now alright? Love you a whole big bunch there! While you're there, here's one of my f-a-v-o-r-i-t-e belly dancing songs I'd like to share. Enjoy! Take good care of yerself there alright? I won't be there to take care of you much, and the weather other there must be freezing by now! AND, I saw the news. Really bad. Makes me worry a lot more now, plus I can't do nuts about it *sigh*. Please EAT. PLEASE.

	Hakim (Featuring Cleopatra) - Walk Lke an Egyptian .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Living in Denial

Dear bloggie,

There was this strong feeling to blog actually. When I opened this page and looked at the blank text box, I stared at it blankly.

Figured that there really isn't anyone I can talk to now, I might as well slap them all on this blank page shouldn't I? Presentation today went pretty good for me except my group members. The most interesting part is their expressions on their faces when the lecturer actually called every member of the the group out front and center to answer her questions. Though EVERYONE in class didn't expect it (which I was surprised), a smirk reached my lips and couldn't help but grin in my mind. This is your great lovely ANTH lecturer. Well just so you know, she's well known for all these where I'm similar to her when lecturing and attitude wise. Why did you think I kept asking everyone "Are you ready? Anything else to need to know before we present?"? That's for NOT taking down your own notes, NOT paying attention when the interview was going on, NOT interviewing your own villager and ONLY relying on me to do everything. Therefore, I knew everything you didn't. I just felt, a cruel wave wash into my soul and it just felt, too good. Then again, it lives only in me. Killjoy.

I've been reading a manga recently, actually since last night... Been up to 20 chapters already! But... It's at its most depressing part of the manga. Not bad enough that I'm still feeling really. Really. And... I've been having all these nasty dreams. And everytime you reacted to me in my dream, I'd wake up and turn then sigh (yea I'm conscious by then) - Naps included. My body has been aching pretty bad too especially my neck and shoulders. They're so tense and uncomfortable as if they're about to fall of. Another interesting encounter was/is this heat flush thing since morning in class. Boy, was it bad in that formal shirt and slacks... And again not too long ago say 8.45pm & 9pm and I don't even know why they happen. I never really had them for months now! I heard mum intends to visit the massage parlor one of these days. Better tell her I'm dead interested to join her soon!

I haven't stopped crying. Quite funny how they come in weird waves. After a while, I tone down. Shortly, I'd start again. Been waiting for you to reply; but I suppose it won't be anytime soon. Not sure if you know how torturing it is when something like that happens when you know it wasn't entirely your fault. In this case mine. So many questions, so little answers, no time at all. Times like these, I wish I weren't a Scorpion. And you weren't a Gemini. I was reading a book on Astronomy this evening before my nap and read the exact some sentence of our Sun & Star signs - 2/4 hearts for compatibility *sigh*. Gemini's are communicative freaks (and in a nicer way would be "extremely engaged with talking & communication") whilst sensual Scorpio is overly emotional and sensitive (in other words, "expects to sharing feelings with partner; like all the time"). Guess that's why you prefer talking about everything under the sun while I prefer sharing my feelings and emotions and expecting you to share yours too; but I know too well that, that rarely happens since you left college. Okay suck it in. I know there's that choked up feeling again. Your eyes are sore from crying and heart which needs plumbing. Yet at the back of my head tells me that I shouldn't let those Astronomic hoo-ha control my life. What can I do if they sound too accurate? And another voice answers, "Let's show that all those Astro-ginormic stuff aren't true!". Who'm I to prove anything now?

It's either me, or us living in denial now. You're so hurt there probably wouldn't be reading anything I've sent you all these time. Why the extra aggravation? I'm still sitting waiting hoping wishing praying. Anyway, only two days passed. Short two days.

Yet my heart screams in pain and cry uncontrollably everytime I think of you. Can't tell if you still want me back. Can't tell if you're doing any better than me. Can't tell if you've been reading anything of mine. Can't tell if that idiot Sweed is there making things worse to that poor heart of yours; but he stabbed me like crazy because I reminded him of his ex gf and not as if he would help make things better for me.

I can't stand it. I don't feel like coming online anymore. I just don't want to remind myself about me. Nor you. I don't feel like doing anything. And I have a presentation on Monday on that stupid stupid survey and assignment due on Sunday for compilation. I just don't have the mood for anything. I don't even feel like typing any of my feeling down now.

I'm leaving now bloggie. I'm sorry everytime I come on is just to share with me a part of my lifeless self. I love you a lot alright? I miss you a whole big bunch too. Might end up in bed early tonight. Sleep tight there. Sweet dreams and g'night. God bless you lots and please take care of your lovely self. Bye...

Both hearts torn apart

Dear bloggie,

The last post might have been too emotional haven't it? But I really couldn't run away from a fact too obvious that happened. I was sad. And the support I usually have... wasn't there.

A little too many things have happened the past few days, and nights. It was my mistake and fault I did anyway. I asked a friend for his opinion and he told me, "I'd be mad too if I were him..."; and I realize how mean I have been for that.

We haven't been talking much or talking at all for the past weeks and I've been lonely. I tried sending you offline & away messages on your MSN but I rarely get replies except when we aren't talking anymore. Sure feels lonely when you're not around me at all. To the point that I feel that so many things have changed. My main reason was because when you have the chance to speak to me, you end up doing something else which you refuse to tell me. Anyone with the right mind would have doubts. You always remind me of how much you love me, only when you feel like it. It is true that when we believe in something, we needn't be reminded; but there are times I really needed your support and love. Not too long ago, a friend asked me the difference of being an optimist & living in denial... I tried explaining about the difference and look at myself in the mirror. Was I living in denial? Was I still in your heart? I know you're just so busy. And I've been selfish here. Somehow, there're just days you need someone you really trust & love with all your heart to be around. Everytime I try telling you how different you are, you keep avoiding my question or explanation to the point that I really cannot believe that part of you anymore. Is it really wrong for me to ask?

For those lonely days, I felt as if I didn't have anyone else there especially when my friends have been so busy with their own things and to that point which I'm too afraid to call or text anyone to try to speak to them or share with them anything. I've been crying a lot more than I have lately. At least they aren't continuous 2 hour tears like I used to have... Occasionally, I look away from something and let my thoughts linger, or close my eyes to see you. When I do something, even walking for the matter and I see someone Caucasian, I'd smile to myself silly and think about you and how it'll be like to have you around.

If I ever told you that it was suppose to happen so coincidently, you'd probably never believe me at all... Even so, you wouldn't believe that he was the only person I told that I was "not really attached". If you knew how I felt here and looked like, you'll know how difficult it was to actually say that when I was just so puzzled and was in a horrible dilemma. I had a "friendly" conversation with him after that night. He forcefully tried to pry more information from me about what I did when you were away. I understand that he had a downfall in a relationship with his girl, but it doesn't mean that he has to crush my dreams of being with the person I love. Wasn't it bad enough that I was already drowning in my own tears and guilt and pain? I really couldn't bother about my pain; because I was more worried about you. About how much he might spread the news around about how slutty I have been by just one mistake. People, human nature, doesn't look at the positive sides but they look at the negative outcomes. Just thinking about it breaks my heart into a million pieces, and no one can help me but me. I don't want anyone talking bad about you because you're not that sort of a person. It was as if I just ruined your life instead of mine. That's one fact I can't digest and forget. You may or may not forgive me but... The impact it gave to everyone else.

Another crazy fact about us in my country is, try going around town telling your friends about Long Distance R/ships - the reaction from them, the look on their face (probably a scoff) and the answers you get. I've tried telling people around me about how much I've been in love with you. But they look at me and raised their brows. All I ever heard from that was, "Are you sure about this?" or "That will never work, and you know it" or "Don't put your soul into it sweetie. You might just be ruined in the end". *sigh* Isn't it a repetition of answers everytime I try to convince a Malaysian? So I gave up telling people that I was attached by heart & soul. Instead, I'll make sure they knew I was not available or not interested and if they ask, they'll find out that I was in a r/ship with a chick instead (on FB). But wasn't your reason a little lame sweetheart? If you believe that I do love you for who you are, I'll only love you for who you are. Why bother about those pesky friends who will try to ruin anything. And even if they tried to, the least it'll do is strengthen our love. Again, you might not believe what I'm about to say, but I'll say it anyway! I don't know how you may have felt about what has happened, but I just found out (again) that it made me love you more than ever. Having you in my thoughts day in and out keeps me breathing. And that ray of sunlight that you've been saving for the entire day after work to feel alive.

I can't wait for that one day we'll be together. Wouldn't it be a dream come true? At least that white knight I've always dreamt off will be close to this rouge princess.

But till then, no one will ever know the rhythm of my heart.

I won't blame you for not replying me. It might take forever for a reply now. It's funny how there should be a switch of roles. I know I'm usually the one who's thick headed and reluctant, now the story's had it's table flipped. Healthy relationship, no? Okay, I was just trying to be an optimist. Besides, why shouldn't I feel respected when one man I know who feels the same too? If he will ever forgive me and give me a chance - or us.

If you don't... Well, honestly, I don't really dare think of what would happen next. I did make a horribly bad mistake. But... There were reasons why I made them. It's just for you to understand how these shoes fit.

I'm feeling drained from all the assignments I've been rushing to submit. Phew~ One more month and career track here I come! Or so I think sounds like career track...

Off to bed I'll go now. Really drained and tired. The longer I stay, the more reluctant my heart becomes. Better now than never! Take good care of yourself there bloggie... I'll be missing you a whole lot even if you don't see it. God bless! I love you a lot more than you can imagine, but I'll leave the imagination to you~ G'night bloggie! Sweet dreams~

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving! I can't wait for our own celebration together! Love you lots!

Worse than a Regular day

Dear bloggie,

Wow sure is been a while since I've gotten anything into record. Nothing magnificent has happened these weeks but there has been too many thing's that decided to happen for both good and bad reasons.

Well, I really appreciate all those lovely b'day wishes from everyone on FB in conjunction with my b'day! Some were very sweet where else some just tickled my bones. All of them definitely mean a lot to me who's usually hanging around the world on my own.

Yesterday and the night before, I went over my cousin's place for a little overnight Family Guy and a walk-around-Pyramid-trip yesterday. Surprisingly, my cash was exactly the same amount before I walked into the building and when I walked out. One part of me tells me how grateful I should be; while the other part tells me how crazy I've treated my b'day eve from not spending even a drink on myself. Haha... It was quite entertaining from walking around the building filled with humans on a public holiday (that's the bad news too by the way). OH YES. Mum and Sar Ee celebrated my b'day in Secret Recipe Taipan (with the most horrible service), but it was a tiny little celebration anyway. So overall, my b'day this year kinda sucked. I mean, it's my 21st. And now, I'm actually stuck home waiting for time to pass so I can go for my shower THEN have a little lunch before going for Phil at 3pm.

There are somethings in life we can't control from what I believe. There too are things in life we just wished didn't need to happen. I "gave" myself a break from all we've been having these months. I will blame myself from some mistakes that has happened. But I'd like to give myself some respect and remind that it take two hands to clap. Somethings that were up to expectation because because. This you should know why as well, needn't be informed for sure. However... This break I'm giving to myself feels like its killing me somehow. For my 21st b'day, I have to say that it probably is the worst b'day I've ever had in my life. Not because of you, but because of every other friend I have out there. NO ONE, I mean, no one seemed to have done anything. I have about 3/4 presents only this year compared to any other year. Well yeah sure I've gotten much worse but this is my 21st. So much for growing into adulthood. I didn't look forward to a b'day party celebration by my family members because of financial restrain and so. Maybe a little too high expectation toward my friends did drop me from the 25th floor building. I went to bed last night feeling helpless and duh. Now, I'm sitting around my pc feeling more helpless and and extra duh feeling. I don't want to look forward to anything and prefer keeping my hopes down. Give me a reason to feel any happier. You're not even around to wish me. And of all people. One thing for sure, you aren't the first to wish anyway this year. Be angry all you want. It doesn't mean you have to bring everyone's day especially on my big day too.

I hate my b'day this year. And I hate feeling this way now. All I do is sit typing out this stupid post and cry and perhaps even wait for something to happen. Tell me what I can do to make it change. Am I suppose to ask a whole bunch of EXTREMELY busy people out and invite them out on my b'day? So much for an awesome b'day party or surprise party. Or even friends to have around to celebrate it. Well, yes b'days mean a lot to me.

I've been very lonely these days. Sometimes too lonely I think I'm going crazy. Could be stirring up crazy too and I'm not surprised. No one has been around here for me on good or bad days so much so that I'm turning into such a bitter person. What positive aura can I even obtain from doing nothing. I'm so sick of life. Assignments in college doesn't make a difference either. All they ever do is make my life more miserable. No I don't appreciate that is happening now. I'm just so so SO sick of life. Very. And the only person I trust and love as my partner is not even here for me even or now. I don't know what else to do. No support. No love. No friends. God, will you love me a little more than that? I can't believe I'm crying on my 21st b'day. You know what, thanks. A LOT.

For once, I just don't feel like loving you at all bloggie. I'm just so tired. So tired of everything. So tired of being alone with nothing. Do I necessary need to call people up all the time just to talk and have company?

Heart Shot

Dear bloggie,

Last night was pretty horrible. He was upset with me because I refused to tell him who the other guy was; who in actual fact does not exist. Just because I made him repeat up to four times after asking him "Why do you need to know?" and he just stormed offline. And after trying to offline message him, still no reply. I'm the big bitch now. So this week no updates about him lo right? What to do.

Anyway, I was surprisingly suddenly invited to a small party of 30 people tomorrow. Haha... Ain't tat a tiny amount~ xD Anyway, they are all 16 year olds and I'll be a makeup artist for zombie looks and vampire looks. Haha... I think I'll be enjoying myself much. But what worries me most is that I'm not really used to applying makeup on other people. Then again, I'll be working easy going yet hard on that =) THANK GOD I actually bought a whole load of black a few days back! Haha... I can't imagine the amount used tomorrow for the girls.

Dinner was great! Celebrated dad's b'day (super early since Small and I are gonna be "prostitutes" tomorrow night and for Small, the night after Deepavali party. How nice~ The kawness of prostitution! Hahaha! (Mummy khak ehh.... Mm si wa kong eh! T^T) So I'll be off to bed in a little since I know there won't be any replies anyway. I'm probably the one who doesn't understand a single thing at all. No wait, I don't.

Take care bloggie! Loving you as much as I always do darling~ G'night! Sweet dreams and God bless you all the time~ I was actually WANTING to watch ANTM, but daddy was too diligent on the TV that he was hogging it since we got home from mum's place. Oh daddy~ Nights! Bye bye =3

Love's Theme Song

Dear bloggie,

Gotta apologize for the lack in posting up these days... Been a little dull and uninteresting plus who wants to listen to an unlimited amount of rants eh?

Was busy gaming my ass off with Earthbound, which I have finally OFFICIALLY finished after... about 3 years after the disappearance of the Emulator CD. Finally! And therefore leads to the beginning of another favorite game - Final Fantasy 4 (or the Us version FF2, a more polite, least vulgar & uncensored version)! Thanks to that, I am now hooked onto Cecil Harvey, the Dark Knight cum Paladin who also appeared in FF4/2 AND Final Fantasy: Dissidia~ Ahhh~ I'm dreamin'a him in that sexy black as night armor! Boom baby!~ That too, I'm flooding myself with Ida Megumi's song: Tsuki no Akari or Theme of Love. I'm not sure but there was also the name Moonlight somewhere I when I was hunting this song down. What great memories! From there, I'm dying from wanting a DS =3 Reason because, the newer 3D version of FF4 is there! =DD And not only that, there's this super neat vid or opening of the game which is an animation! *hearts like crazy!* And Rosa, like every other FF heroin has big boobs. Bleh *raspberry*. Okay. So she IS an animation. STILL. Come to think of it Cecil needs a good hair cut. Cannot stand the silky whites!

Credits to Shaharu who uploaded this vid on Youtube =)

You know what, I like the Frech version better. It's, somewhat more romantic!

Credits for this vid goes to lovely-voice Marion or Minoune TV from Youtube

Listen to the French version first! =DD

Days have been a slob and creeping into me like some slime hungry for more bile. All that I have been doing "productively" is hang around on the pc and surf the net and goog anything available on the internet too or FB anything and everything I see. I've been turned off by my own assignments and love sickness. What is becoming of this girl full of life? There are days you just wanna sit at a shady corner while listening to music with your mind floating all over the whole, to places you've never been before. So, I HAVE been slacking in almost all the chores including folding of clothes, sweeping, mopping, wiping, washing, cleaning you name it. There's no strength to do anything at all. Where did ALL my motivation and determination went to? I miss it so dearly especially when I'm in dire need of them! God, please. I'm so lost these days. I can feel an emptiness in me which cannot be filled.

The stormy weather from the 10th Floor.

Oh well. Gotta at least start doing something now. Ah Ma's isn't feeling well and almost fainted this morning. We're gonna go visit her tomorrow morning after breakfast and see how she's doing. And that.... Ggrrr... Never mind. Let's try to change life now =) I'm again missing you so much even if we did chat a lot the last time. Sometimes when you're around, I just stun and don't know what to say. If I could, I want to just be around close to you and listen to your heart beat. Then, I didn't you to say anything neither do I need to annoy you by asking too much all the time...I hope you're not angry with me everytime I send you those, very weird offline messages. You're probably more busy these days since you didn't reply at all. It's so touching when you reminded me that when you just put simple words as replies, it didn't mean that there was nothing for you to tell and share, but because time didn't allow you to.

Tonight, I think this really is it. Nothing much, as mentioned. Quite sad now isn't it? But I'll updating and make sure something's moving around in here. Enjoy your Deepavali hols there! Take care bloggie~ Love you lotso! Night, and sweet dreams...

Butterfly kisses

Dear bloggie,

Amen. I'm a happier person today and yesterday. Mum and I are back on the right tracks loving each other even more, or are we?

Class today was particularly small. Not to mention how often my group member is usually never in class or only will be in class before the break. Ahhh~ All my group assignments are still slowly taking its time to move. I'm more bothered about my Philosophy now. My group from ANTH aren't taking any initiatives from the beginning and looks like they prefer it that way now. I'm just too tired to keep repeating one after another time when they can't be bothered to come back telling me no matter how many time I tell them to "update me, report to me, inform me". It'll happen good when it happens good. Today group is another shyttified class because of an always missing member and the rest of us just don't know what else to do. They are a more senior group but they sure aren't getting things right at all. We were told to look for a company to do a research, survey and report based on the Consumer Decision Process and this is what they came up with after a week - Nestle & some paracetamol company/brand. I mean guys, this is a report we're doing for $@!*)(#! sake! Work your asses man! And I came up with Swatch. It's a male female wearable brand, you say the name and it strikes anyone - Swatch watches, there's no age barrier for this babe. So tell me, is it THAT difficult to come up with a brand and its company? It's whether you want to or not. I'm really so tired. Small was just telling me, "Whoa. Aren't those a little boring? I mean I found them boring. They're not thinking outta their boxes sis" and that's EXACTLY what's happening to these two groups. Phil was pretty good. We're doing a neat sketch and lecturer is LOVING it, even from the idea and the philosopher's we're picking. THAT, my friend, is initiative, determination and eagerness to SCORE. Good God! Thank God there's at least a group which is working their brains!

I was dying to do something to my eyes again but haven't had my chance to. I was just telling Red,

"Eh, would it be neat if I totally did my eyes to go to a CC?"

"ERM. Aren't we in the wrong place to do that sistah?"

"That's the whole point! Being different!"

"And getting all the attention? Maybe not"

"Okay fine"

Haha... I was just sharing my thoughts! I didn't need to ask him that of course. Small wouldn't even let me wear a skirt there in the first place =3 But is was just a plan, nothing more than A plan. Thursday night is still Plan A (hmm... this is ironic) waiting to see if JH can make it. Plan B is to push it to Friday or Deepavali night which I cannot agree to because of the crowd ~_~

For this 21st b'day, I'e decided to go for a pair of extra piercing AND a nice butterfly tat. the tat however, is still on big-time-pending-list because it costs too much, needs a lot of maintenance, a lot of patience and a lot of tears (since it's gonna be a little stingy....); but it'll be worth my passion. The samples of what I'd want them to look like is simple, sexy, feminine yet tribal:

The first one is my fav! The next one would be my second choice and it goes on. The most tribal would be the last one BUT I bet it hurts the most... And for a chicken'a pain, let's not push it, shall we? Lovely aren't they? I was promised RM400. I wonder how much one like the first choice would cost. Hmm...

I'm so so so so so so happy you we on with that superbly long essay message you left me exactly when I got on. Miss you a whole lot and it feels as if you're a soldier who works away and is always unable to reply my messages or emails. It was great to chat with you again and glad you didn't wanna talk to me at first so I get to save up EVERYTHING you said and read them over and over again when you're away and busy! Thanks for sharing a part of your world to me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm making you do chored when I ask you "Why don't you share a part of your life with me?" and we went through your WHOLE FB friends list which took about more than an hour... Never knew how important all your friends were. Mine are. Just that they're such a handful and most of the time, they're just too occupied with their own work or never have time to hang out anymore. When can we go drink again, friends? I can be such a bitter and jealous person from listening about how often you actually go out and have drinks with your buds and your friends. But because I know how important they are, I should start toning down a little and start being more understanding... It's gonna be a little hard with a spoilt girl like me. No pain no gain they say! Ggrrrr.... And all those MALE soul mates! ARGH! Okay maybe not the same gender, but will I ever ever ever ever find a soul mate like my parents? =( So saddening... How saddening it maybe, I'm feeling all good thanks to how special you made me feel. I'm glad that I'm "a main role there, and that it should never be forgotten...". Touched me and love it.

Thanks for keeping me company all these days Tinky. Wouldn't have gone alive without you =) I love you so much... You're daddy's little girl aren't you?

Done for tonight starting from this point!~ Hahaha... I'd really like to head to bed since daddy's yumcha plan with Small and I got cancelled last minute. Oh and his excuse was so lame. Not gonna tell you what but his main reason to delay time and annoy us was because he was looking forward to watch the Jet Li movie on tv. *cricket cricket*. So depending on everyone's mood and desire for Small's Milo Ais, we'll have to put that on a hold too!

So, good *yawn* night... bloggie... Sweet dreams to you~ Love you a whole bunch much again! Like always! Take care'a yerself while I'm away aight! Bye~ I'll see if there's anything more interesting than random ranting tomorrow! =D