Revival my matey'

Dear bloggie,

It's been a while not hasn't it? Time flew past once more like never before; and I'm here waiting for some winds of change. Maybe not some, but a drastic one.

In year 2012, I found myself 3/4 times more down than anyone else would possibly be because of work. I don't think that's changed at all though.

Today, I look at it with a different focus point where commitments start arising and the value of money isn't really as scrumptious as it used to be here. The amount of hard work and every day pressure is much more immense  than it used to be, not to mentioned that my current superior is leaving for good. I will be once more, overwhelmed by the same amount of work I did two years ago in the same seat.

My nose got me real good recently too. I was down with antibiotics non-stop for the past more or less 3 months. I'm not addicted to it for sure but it gets into you or your work very easily. Yeap, I AM weak and it doesn't need to be reminded. Oh, the blood test also revealed a few unwanted results; which had to be known anyway. Whatever the consequences or facts are, I've gotta face it. Now you know why I'm always tired, losing a lot of hair etc? Sigh... Apparently there's a serum which can help though... Just not now I suppose...

Anyway, my nose is doing mighty good now. It's been exactly five bloody days since I was under the knife and have been recovering very well. Slight bleeding as suspected and a lot of deep breathes, followed by a string of exhausting moments: I couldn't even wash my own mug nor wring the table cloth on the first three days. BUT I pushed it and actually went out for a nice shop with my sister. It makes me happy to see her happy; and I'm happy that it was a fruitful THREE hour walk around the simple mall.

Mum is recovering from her post depression too. She was admitted to HDU in end May, not too long after I was diagnosed with a crooked nose. Her dialysis costs impacted both dad and myself the most, hence I pray for strength, endurance and patience that all will be better soon.

By the way, bet you didn't know I've finally agreed to join CF this year! Well... for an unexpected agreement really. All the plans are rushing through my blood into my head like an avalanche, it's just so exciting! I know I'm about to face the best six months ahead like I've never had before - so MANY things to clean up, so MANY great ideas to spark, so MANY tough choices to make and most of all, so MANY paths to turn to, I'm already feeling lost.

Nonetheless, I've decided to go ahead with my very special someone I was oddly united to. T's been only six months however it feels like six years. Now, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or news for such feelings however I must treasure these precious thoughts and emotions which I was bestowed upon after much prayers over the last two years. Ups and downs happen. This I find unique though. There are days when I feel choked up and unable to speak to him about, but eventually we do. That I must say is rather magical because I have been scarred for my own good, something I've learnt to never do again. I love him. Repeated in my past relationships? Fuck that. This is my new life and I plan to move along well with this.

Bloggie, I haven't really been able to sleep very well nor quickly lately. I hope that once I'm back in the office, my mind will be too occupied to think of the unnecessary. There're just too many things running across in my head.

I'll be fine. Just need some mind revival moments.

I love you so much bloggie, I hope you take good care'a yerself there while I'm away. There're some minor detailing touch ups to do by this month.

It'll pass

Dear bloggie,

It's like every usual Saturday I'm at work again... It's getting more frequent if you ask me. Last week, it was a Sunday afternoon - thinking that correcting and aligning the newsletter would've just lasted for about a couple a hours; except that it waws multiplied by about two to three times?

I have, for the first time made the biggest mistake in my life. We're not talking about small step mistakes (maybe it was but hey, mistakes should always be corrected, right?), cause this was pretty major. Thankfully, I have my gut-witted (the fuck's this word?) super emotional self to bring up the topic with him and kinda talked about it. It was no surprise that we picked it up immediately and quickly let go of me; honestly, it was so quick, it happened within hours. Again, I am never, ever, going to touch the tip of the flame anymore.

My job these days are burning out... I think my boss isn't pressuring me enough. I love my job, but I'm somewhat loosening up from inside and I can't afford to let that happen. It's all so repetitive and boring and it's always the same old stuff which I keep missing - is it my fault, or someone elses or everyones? Anyhow if it must happen, please let it pass.

Mum's not getting any better since end last year after taking the "supposed-to-be-better-experimental-medications". Id that isn't any worse, she's getting weaker and she's losing faith in recovering as much as anyone in the house is - except my sister. I can't really blame her can I? She keeps smacking me in the head reminding me about "why are you so negative?", which makes perfect sense. Of course no one wants to let go of someone worthy enough to love. But everyday, we ask ourselves, how long will she take it and how long before we try to let her go in peace? The day will come when it comes - then again, let's not have a tidal wave.

I hope I wake up tomorrow and see more than just the day light or sun.

I think I'm going home in a bit. Gotta clear up this pile'a mess first because big momma comes back to the office on Monday!

See ya bloggie! Fingers crossed for a better tomorrow, but it should be better than today, right?



Posted: 28/7/12