Highland Huggles

Dear bloggie,

Not much of an update on anything BUT, the best time ever with the girls. The one wished i had planned and wished from the days before my college life - holiday with a bunch'a college mates decided to happen before i leave. LOVING IT. ARGH.

Long story happened before it though. Especially when it was the camera part >_> For once, he'd gotta fall asleep in bed and reply at 11pm... I WANTED MY CAMERA SO BADLY! HOW I WAS DYING TO TAKE PICTURES AT THE HIGHLANDS! #)$*!*@#!(@%&*!(@#_~*)$@&%*)@ Never mind. Abang was the best outta the whole thing for his willingness to actually cycle to my place at 6.30am to send the camera back to me... But obviously i felt so bad and it turned bad in the end. His bike pump refuse to work because because and it was already 7.30am - gotta leave for the station =( oh well. At least i had pictures in my phone and transferred them. All a' them are in fb already. There're more but the lighting was bad not bad enough my phone cammie didn't work so well in such situations. Greatest experience ever and i'mma lovin in~ THANKS GIRLS. I LOVE YOU GIRLS MUCH. And we're already planning in our other plans while we were in one plan that was planned months back!

Singgy. To go or not to go? HK. To go or not to go? Bali. To go or not to go? Yea sure to all if i printed more money along the way!

Fact. job starting in days to come and i c.a.n.n.o.t. wait for it. So excited. Oh by the way, i have three parcels in the coming and now i can't even sit still. NOT AT ALL! A 1, a 2, a 1,2,3~ Yay. Then again, i'm feeling so blank again. Why. I feel something really stirring up though =/ Hope this feeling'll help me in a clearer way. Nuts.

Few more days to H.O.G. and i won't be seeing them much anymore... I'm already missing them now... *sigh* Parent day...

Gotta photo shoot on Sat. I really pray that i don't screw that one up though... Fingers are crossed to the point broken. Amen.

I kinda realized i've been pushed away a little whether it's noticeable or not. Whether you accept it or not. What ever happens now, it'll just happen. I can't keep looking forward to it and you don't do the same though. Suppose i hope too much? Forget it. I'mma live my life in a happier way now whether you like it or not.

Night bloggie. Nothing much's been happening but all anticipated stuff, that are yet to come. Take care of yourself for me love. Sweet dreams because i'l be dreaming of you~ Love you lots and lots and lots and miss you even more ^_^ Bye~

Dear Lord above

Dear bloggie,

I'm in my solitude.

From Youtube:-
StrawberryFairyShoes — October 06, 2009 — "Solitude" by Billie Holiday. Jazz standard composed by Duke Ellington in 1934.

In my solitude
You haunt me
With dreadful ease
Of days gone by

In my solitude
You taunt me
With memories
That never die

I sit in my chair
And filled with despair
There’s no one could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I’ll soon go mad

In my solitude
I’m afraid
Dear Lord above
Send back my love

I sit in my chair
And filled with despair
There’s no one could be so sad
With gloom everywhere
I sit and I stare
I know that I’ll soon go mad

In my solitude
I’m afraid
Dear Lord above
Send back my love

T's been hot days & nights

Dear bloggie,

It's an early post today. Since it's an early wreck from morning till now...

One amazing thing i'd never really thought of happening is being this sick, love sick. My whole body hurts just having to know you're not around. Oh well. Currently, i have so many things in my head i don't even know how to let it out. And everyone's missing suddenly. Just, everyone.

Friends, i found out that i really can't find a place which i can call housemate (since family is for home). There're so many events that's been going on but i was almost invited to none, no i'm not surprised. According to a friend, i was told that i worked so often to the point people are worried they'll disturb me from invites for outings or events. No body said i had enough money to spend on myself, so i gotta earn my own way up. Sad way up but not the best choice either. Not that i don't wanna go or i shouldn't. Sucks both ways.

Lovers, looked forward, get all hyped then dropped all the way down. What's the big idea anyway? Still wouldn't make a difference if i had one. I'd just kill him one day at a time by more mistakes that's all.

Family, outing canceled, more arguments, so encouraged by the hot weather. So encouraged by more family feuds. Everyone with their own opinions AND stands. Where're we going to?

Machines, if internet is included here, YES IT SUCKS AND COULD NEVER BEEN WORSE. I'm suppose to backup my files for reformatting. Nothing is happening *cricket cricket*.

Body, is not functioning properly at all. I'm sleepy but i can't sleep. I wanna go walking, but the guarded gated thing disappeared and more snatch theft and robbery's been goin on so i had to put that on a hold. Was working on my belly moves but i can't stand dad teasing me ALL the time and now i have no time to go to class for practice - never started anyway. My chest hurts so badly recently... It's as if i can't breathe. And i've been so nausea's, even a little lost of appetite sometimes. My complexion is horrible! I've not looked so bad in months!

Etcs, include the parcel in the sending but no story nor reports from the courier. So, no know about it. Dunno where on earth's the thing now. Literally. I'm so worried it won't even reach its destination. Parcel oh parcel on the way, where art thou?? I have 3 parcels in no where! When's it gonna reach my house? It's me and me again - i feel un-welcomed for some reason...

Finance, has never changed anyway. Not broke, just can't afford like always since there's always something popping into purchase along the way. Bad enough that i'm gonna stop work pretty soon. Starting another pretty soon as well. More stuff lining up? I'm so not surprised...

Prayers come so often; whether heard is unknown; whether happened is unknown. Obviously those aren't the best stuff that could push the pressure up, there're lotsa other happenings in the whole process just not mentioned. T's been hot days.

Night bloggie... I ain't so great here but all the best there for the whole day. Take care, love you lots and lots and lots aight. Sweet dreams and to talk about dreams, i dreamt that i actually owned a puppy Rottweiler! What the! One thing for sure, it's been great company with the little thing. Have fun there!

Incorporatedly Unmotivated

Dear bloggie,

Been an up and down weekday but hey what more can we ask for since i'm just plain dolled out. Haha.. Anyway, life here's been on on both good and bad ends.

Congratulations to myself, i'm not a proud intern under the Corporate Communication Dept. at -Probably the best beer- Company! The interview i went to yesterday was great. Here's a good full description of what actually happened:-

The worse thing that happened before my interview - BOTH sides of my peep toes crocodiled from the back! I was walking outta the house to the gate and to the car and it gave up on me. I'd understand as well since they're one of my favvy pairs and peeps do look nice on me plus most peeps are cod. So the gave up on my before (THANK GOD BEFORE. I can't imagine how it's gonna be like when it croced when i'm at the guard hse!) the interview.

Arrival at the factory and office was about 7am (on the dot) since dad sent me and dropped pris along the way, at the guard house. As early as that, i had to register and so and so and so and went to the canteen for a cup of coffee. The canteen was white and classy. VERY classy. Best thing in line was the pub and that'll come after what happened in the canteen for about what, 2 hours? Haha.. Anyway back to the canteen story - Being a banana and unexpected one too, the canteen lady's first question was in mandarin and good for me i could answer a few of her questions based on what i understand and just tembak only la what ever i can! Wonderfully, i sat comfortably in the air condition small place with nothing much to do but going through my organizer. Interesting fact was that at 7am, the lorry drivers are all over for breakfast and not being a racist but, they were all indian! Thinking that it's a beer company anyway, i'm not extremely surprised... Only just to see how true it was =P All the big green trailers and lorries! and Trucks! Gosh!

The first person i met was Regina who's in the HR too. Friendly lady who told me i was "gonna be alright" because i was "charismatic". Great start for the morning though~ Then as it came to 7.30am and i was still stuck there (even the drivers and production people were already leaving for their work) BUT came along other staff from the accs. and the etcetcs for breakfast. MANY of them actually thought that i came for another interview for some quality something something position thingy regina was saying in the morning. I was thinking to myself, "Do i look matured and old enough to hold such a position...? What job is that anyway?".

By 8am, and this, the best part is the pub. It starts its operation at 8am... I did some own touring at the pub on my way to the ladies =3 it was gold, black and green... I think i found my new favorite color! Haha! Suppose it's opened that early for visitors.

Oyster's Jewel came at roughly at 9am - the interview time. She's a tall slim lady (as tall as i am after i have my 4/5 inch heels....), very fair and good thing that she feels comfortable with me. She mentioned that she hasn't accepted any interns for the past 5 years because of how unmotivated they were at work and that they only came to work for one purpose - filling in the credit hours. She added that because of the sample work (assignments) she read from my email i sent, she believes that i'd be fine with what i do and is so far confident that i am capable to do more copy writing work... And therefore, i have homework starting from this week onwards - a compilation job based on the pile new letters from 2009 to 2010 and two annual report books. I'm just so surprised that i ACTUALLY have homework to do even before i enter my job! Adding on, i have yet to receive more than just that. During the interview session, she told me a list of 4 major items she needed me to help. More compilation, writing and editing. For some reason, i have to say, it's a great experience in the coming and i totally look forward to what i have to do. At the same time... I feel anxious, nervous and worried about my capability. I have never been a person to take risks, what more being in a different environment where i'm working in a CORPORATE dept unlike the ones i've gone through with my lecturers in college; or working in college. Those were all petty small stuff. THIS is where you meet the big shots! Now, i wonder if any of my work in the end will meet the pages of the papers, magazines or reports... I don't really know what else to think but i do know very strongly that i need to buck up and chin up. All the best Dollie!~ At the same time, i gotta remember that she's a real organized person to be able to settle what i've gotta be doing weeks before i even start work. That's good. As a person who can't sit still and who demands for more work flow at work, this is good~

That's just the beginning of yesterday though =/ the rest of the day, i ended up in bed trying to feel better since i had not a massive headache, but a disturbing one. Gave a little time for rest and then got up to make dinner, and once done after eating, went to work.

I think the kids on Thurs seem to not fancy me anymore from that light tell-offs about throwing their toys. Oh whatever. If i don't give them my mind, i'll get more minding from parents. Hm.

In the night after work, things started on the smooth and it pretty much snowballed to the rougher side... My plan for going out for some drinks and supper with the 4 of us obviously failed because of some family feud thingy happening on one, no wait, two, no wait, three sides of the family. So, it was canceled, but the volunteering could possibly go on. Just to wait and see how's he doing and if the headache gets worse, we'll put that to a hold. Not like the shelter home'll run away anyway =P No doubt i was upset about the whole night talk thing. Wished it could be better. Was chatting with a few but got no replies whatsoever as usual. Oh well. You get slapped means you GET slapped. I should start to forget to reply people more often though =/ Am i the only one who gives replies all the time? O_o Nah.

It's a boring friday afternoon/morning now. Didn't even get up earlier to do my walk like i used to. Un-motivated-ly annoyed. Though, i had thought to start working on my eye do's again. How can i not miss them. Just can't seem to move my heavy-nailed-down-onto-the-seat ass off! What colors suppose? I had these in mind: green, gold; purple smokey; blue, green; WILL GOLD BLUE BE NICE?? THAT i should try!

Well that should be it from me about yesterday, and the past few's but a better day'll be waiting for me~ I hope >_> G'night bloggie~ I'll miss you and hope you're doing great there! Sweet dreams and yea i did dream about you in the weirdest manner! Haha.. Take care, bye bye~ <3

Love bug in anticipation

Dear bloggie,

It's been pretty quite from lately... We did chat again. Things are better off now. At least we know where we stand and anticipating the future more than before. Thanks. And i'm sorry about the way i've been acting. But i do hope we get back together much better thought it takes way more effort than i ever have in my life... First time is always a good start!

Recently, i've been a little hard working on the fact of trying to loose the kg's. Up for walks in the morning, cleaning up the house more often and i hope that all helps actually~ In one way, i do feel healthier and better off that way so much so that i'm a morning person, it feels great to be up real early to get things done. Especially when i'm anticipating more than just one thing now. Well from the last list of To Do's, I only managed out a few. I better start moving a little faster though =P


Anticipation list ~

Home
Parcel
Photoshoot
Intern (nervous at the same time...)
Parent Day
New cousin AND nephew
Stay over
Volunteer
MV window shop
Start of work pretty soon...
More parcels (hard earned to spend =3)


Whoa. At first, i honestly did think that there were only a few i had in mind... But turn out that there're a whole load there in the end! Oh well. All i really pray for now, is to look forward to them, can't be expecting much but fingers crossed and all hoped for the best! Like what i was told, best of success in stead of the regular good luck.

Oh yea. H.O.G. Megan was just a darling last sunday. She didn't expect me to be at the center and boy were they excited that i turned up! It was just so cute when in between lines she had something like this said,

"I haven't got to Ikano though,"

"Oh really?"

"Yea.. I DID ask mum to bring me!"

"Nah it's ok... Petster's still there right? (the pet magazine)"

"Yea but..."

"Mmhm. No worried ^_^"

"I miss you"

"?"

"What's this anyway?"

"Sorry i didn't hear what you said just now..."

"OH,"

"What'd you say?"

"I miss you *whispers*"

"AWWW *hugs*"

">////<"

"I MISS YOU TOO! REALLY! *HUGS*"

"^///^"

"you're so cute... I really do miss you okay? *hugs*"

Haha.. What else can you ask when there's a kid who's always by your side who says they miss you ^_^ Macy does miss me too. Well at least she didn't ask me what all the time now... BUT, she's proud to tell Fiona her name's 'I dunno'.

"What's your name sweetie?"

"I dunno *giggles*"

"^_^''' How old are you?"

"I dunno *giggles and squirms*"

"LOL! So your name's 'I dunno' now?"

"I dunno! *runs away*"

So fiona had to go for her class to teach and Macy runs around with me in the office now.

"So Macy, i'll call you 'I dunno'?"

"Uh... *thinks* My name's Macy"

Okay.. So at least i know that she DOES want me to call her lovely name - Macy instead of 'I dunno'. Oh you darling <3

I was thinking to myself lately how nxious i've been and you sure do make me very very patient, unlike how i am. It's so different. But i'm just extremely glad to the point i can't express them in words, you are willing to accept, say sorry and talk to me. You really are different. I should never compare you with anyone else i know really. Oh my god i love you so much. I hope my bubble doesn't pop thats all. How my heart crave for your love even more although you never do reply much anymore... To close my eyes and feel that you're actually so close to me though you live much further... I miss you so much... Haven't even heard your voice for so long now i hope i don't forget how it's like! Lets be together again my love, please accept me again.


Night bloggie, love you lots~ Miss you even more and God bless! =D

Dew on a leaf

Dear bloggie,

I've always blamed myself for being impatient, but i've been living with it for more than 2 decades. Beats me if it was a reason to hate me even more.

Not too long ago i tried to call you. You didn't want to pick it up. You have your reasons, can't say nothing right?

Not too long ago i texted you hoping you read it, and reply. You didn't reply. Ran out of credit? I do too.

Not too long ago i left long msges on your 'offline' and 'away' instant messenger anticipating your write backs which could be as long. Nothing came back to me, the internet can be a pain to accidentally remove them all.

Not too long ago i complaint a lot about your disappearance for your reasons. There were reasons i couldn't understand.

Not too long ago i cried every time before bed waiting to hear from you; even it weren't tears from my eyes, they were in my heart.

Now, i still wonder why nothing is really happening like it used to. The more i pushed it away from me, it came back in storm to me. I tried too hard. I'm sorry i did so. I feel alone, i am alone. In need of company, i work harder to earn back your love but made things worse.

No more comfort words. No more deep conversations. No more care. What have i done wrong? I didn't mean it. I just miss you. A little too much. I wish you're still around. I'm just sorry.

I wish i knew.

Skip that Beat

Dear bloggie,

I'm so unwell these days. Funny thing is that, i'm on FB and am online~

Amazingly coincident, i have been sick and unwell for the past 3 weekends! Something is very wrong when i have to get something down on Fri's then end up like this on Sats and Suns! I'm suppose to be at the seminar now at MMHA and here i am typing this essay of nothings. I feel really bad to my friends for not being to attend it for the past two Sun's... Not sure why, i just feel bad. I mean, how sick can you get? Oh very; thanks to my meal i decided to make with Garlic Spread that died on the 20/12/09 on Fri afternoon. Dead worried about the finals for the coming 3 days, i hope i can get this pain done with and be alright by then.

My body has been acting up and definitely not at peace. Worse off, i can't sleep. Usually when i nap in the evenings for about an hour or two, true enough, it'll take forever for me to sleep in the night. But even skipping the naps in the evening apparently doesn't help at all now. I dunno why~ Mum said i'm thinking too much. Maybe? Mum also said that my brain's pretty active now. Maybe? The good time to say, "i wanna rest in peace", probably sleep in peace though!

Finals is next week. This coming week. My last sem along the way. The Hospital sucks to the max my friend. At least i called~ Next call, the factory! Miss Oyster's Jewel , here i come.



This Holiday, I MUST...



- clear wardrobe & stash old unwearables away
-> pj's?

- clean up the hse (for God's sake)
-> kit. winds, floors, comforts

- backup files from UP pc then...
-> REFORMAT!
-> dl Picasa since DOWN has CS already

- file college notes
-> psych's
-> comm's
-> elects'

- go for a massage. Better yet, invest on a SPA vacation
-> manicure & pedicure

- rest & relax on a VACATION or two
-> Teluk Nipah
-> Hill top

- stay over at Red's :-
-> movie marathon
-> SWIM (& learn)
-> SEGA forever

- send gifts a.s.a.p. to Mum
-> 2, 4, 1

- spa wash for wigs (kesian them ok)


Lost? So am i. Join me in skipping the Beat.

I've really gotta go now. Haven't read anything much at all for my exams and i'm here blogging. Woohoo~ Night bloggie~ I love you loads loads and loads! Take care and i'll be updating soon...