Another day, staring at the ceiling

Dear bloggie,

Of all days I’m in the mood to actually start typing out my long voyage for the past month or so is the time I have to remember that I stabbed my left thumb with a safety pin because of my missing button at my tummy.

In March, an important person to us all including the greens left for good. Now, I’m not being nasty in any possible way. I’m just giving an honest opinion and being cruel. But he has taught us living ones a stern lesson – to cherish what we have now and don’t forget that life can be easily taken away. I do horrible at funerals. I not only arrived at the wake at the most emotional and sentimental part of all but the most depressing one. My biggest hate at a funeral is the hammering of the nails to seal the coffin. I can’t describe the feeling. Isn’t a great feeling anyway. However, I have a dumb question – why were there camera men and photographers at the funeral? And they were actually people whom we hired for events. Why?

It’s been an up and down road these days and weeks but it never gets any better. My job remains a whirlpool of confused thoughts of whether I should stay on this greening-ful job or kick-start a more exciting one. Again, I’m not sure, and most of all not ready in anyway. Was talking to him last night and realized a couple’a important things I should always keep track of; including my health. Promised myself to take some time before I truly decide – July, I’ll see you soon.

Recently, I realized I’m pretty alone most of the time, find it hard to trust people and I crave revenge and vengeance. Ever since he left, everything was just evil. There are days I snicker at the pain they face. Some other times, I weep at the silliest moments I’ve gone through. Had a few nice crushes yet they had to all go away… One failed me big time – loved me, cared for me and crushed me bigger time. God bless you little child of January. We’ll see where you’re off to for giving me a ride of my life, again. The other one was a darling, who was then again too much of a darling for me to have him as a darling. He was TOO rich (and so wrongly sexy. Oh, his dimples I love). It’ll pass.

On the bright side, I had a good time over my shopping sprees and most of them were spent with daddie. Got a few of these and a few of that and it keeps getting better! I knew I used to be pretty stingy when I was back in my school and college days. I only spend on what I earn enough; the rest goes to my piggy (which has upgraded into a decorative Indian box). Eat cheap, buy super cheap and save like mad. Reason being was I couldn’t even afford more than what I could spend (pocket money was constantly borderline!). Today, I live with no regrets whatsoever. Well, yes I had a few because I worked over my free time if not I’d spend most of it at the junkie because I truthfully enjoyed it. Lost some friends along the way too and most of it was, “Oh bother, she’s working again. Let’s not let her know”. Or something like that. Some held strong, kept me company while waiting for my dismissal and mosey off. Good times my friend, good times. But the satisfaction I get from spending on my family, giving them the best of what they deserve and needed all these time.

L-R: Berty, mybigfatarm (fuck, I look like I'm a tennis player here!) and Serene. No we weren't drunk but there was definitely alcohol consumption somewhere somehow.

The one thing that's been bothering me is this friend'a mine who comes to me, rants and asks for advice on his torn marriage - all because of his bad screwing habit. More to come in my next post.

I can’t believe I agreed to go on a mad diet with the rest of my team members and colleagues. Tis’ so mad, I’ll post about it in my next upload. Now, it’s getting late and granny here needs to get her brain sleep or she’ll probably not do any better and extend the to-do’s which has already been extend due to some brain farts; or over expectations from over achieving humans.

Till my eyes stay open, I love you tonners and tonners, take care and I will keep you intact again soon!

*posted on 020512*



L-R: Mybigfatarm, Berty and Lam at the National Sales & Marketing Convention in early March. We're half drunk if you wanted to know.

Dicey Dragon 2012

Dear bloggie,

It's almost the end of January; or the start of the Chinese (Lunar) calendar - Happy Chinese New Year!

One month back, I told myself, "D, you've gotta update your blog. It looks like a deadman's land now...". Well, that was a month back and looking at it now makes me laugh. I remember listening to people say that the time moves faster as you grow an age - wrong. It's just because we're always so darn busy with no time to breathe. Hence, time flies because we're so engrossed with the stuff we do as the time ticks.

I've finally planned my New Year's resolution (or CNY resolution since it's a little too far from new years')! To compare with what I had last year, I MUST say that losing weight is NOT my resolution. Instead...:

Resolutions

~ maintaining whatever I've lost so far (if I can do it, the rewards are fairly obvious)
~ cherishing and appreciating what I have around me (NOT to go look for happily-ever-nevers)
~ climb the ladder slow and steady (and watch out for flying daggers!)
~ toughen up my heart and soul (you'll notice lingering particles when the time comes)
~ remember to love myself no matter how dark the day turns (because no one else will)
~ a trip to the massage parlous every 2 months,

*shall insert updates along the way*

Wishlist (most have been covered last year, what's new this year?)

~ an under cut,
~ "elder sister", "younger sister" and "a peacock feather",
~ an extra piercing on each ear,
~ electronic gadget-less vacation for 5 days,
~ another wig, doesn't matter the color and length,
~ a puppy! Just kidding, seriously.

I surprised myself when I noticed the massive change of my previous wishlist and the current one as if I'm changing myself into someone else. But I've also realize how much I'm sick of my old self and want a change. My last break up seems to have contributed to the love of myself these days and that expectations in the future are usually never true. Except the fact that I have now a collection of 5 inch heels in my shoe closet as well as a handsome amount of dresses I used to adore.

Another suprising lesson I learnt was to keep my work where they belong and only bring my exhausted brain home for a moment of silence in bed till the next morning. I hated my job only 3 months ago. Now, my boss loves me. Ha-ha. It was a spanking good time at CNY Launch at Thean Hou Temple and the Permatang Tinggi events.

I feel like being childish and a woman suddenly.

No one will ever understand why too.

Goin' to Mum's place in a bit. Reunion dinner tonight, means I've gotta be a good daughter and help out tonight. Tonight, one last clean up and decide what to wear for tomorrow's family meet up at Ah Ma's...

So that's it from me today. A little upset from trying to be angel to others will my only response is none other than a devil's.

Love you bloggie, I guess the next update will be pretty far from now but once I get hold of my new cammie, I'll probably start updating more frequently. Take good care of yourself there while I'm away.

Ruthless Red-Letter Day Rambles

Dear bloggie,

'S been so occupied with my work over matter than I almost had no time for myself. Ruthless boss means reluctant subords.

I've had a fairly rough wave ride recently in most of everything besides my family - as usual. Work itself has the ability to take my weekdays and sometimes part of my weekends if I don't slack; in other words the word 'slack', 'chill', 'relax', 'kick back' and probably even 'take it easy' is not in any part of the department's dictionary. Through an experiment recently, I tried to take my job a little easier since SOME team mates are so ignorant, which I thought can be followed. True and sad enough, my work eventually piled up like Atlas having planet Earth over his shoulders. I gave up all related ideas of "slacking" in my job because I remembered how important I am in the company... 'Nough said.

Situations varies: You have too much work you can cope, inexperienced in whatever you do, no proper guidance in all topics you come across and of course, a superior who doesn't seem to know how to be nice and caring at the right times, places and situations. I was questioned about something I didn't want to bother initially but it really ticked me off when I "declared" my EHs. I do NOT understand why on earth there should even be a question mark at the end of the sentence when I feel that I occasionally need to extend my WHs to complete my tasks, assignments etcs with it. So?

In say 2, 1 hour plus, I'll be turning double 2's; but surprisingly I don't feel ready to even grow up! All I've ever wanted since small was to turn into an adult, spend lotsa cash (after earning more) and enjoy life the way it should. Now, the only thing I can think of is keeping myself sane, saving up enough cash (after a lot of payments thanks to commitments) and planning vacations in advance to try to enjoy life if I have a chance to seize the moment. Nothing to look forward to this year after all the mistakes done with no turning back.

Something else I realized is that I ... Caught in a moment of thought and don't remember what I wanted to say. ... ... ... ... ... ... Uh, well. Suppose some sentence are meant to be left incomplete.

I took one photo after I reached home from Nat's sister's wedding day last Saturday but had to make some changes especially in effects; for the heck of it haha...

Anyway, I was talking to su-boss not too long ago and was telling her how much "I miss being in a relationship but not any of my relationships". I've been getting glimpse of my previous one although shaking it out of my mind helps only whenever I scoff over it or remind myself of how painful enough. Weird as it is though, I remembered asking myself, "How was it like at the beginning actually?" but realized soon enough that every memory wasn't worth reminding myself about and sighed it off my shoulder.

Opps battery dying! Gots to goes now! Take care bloggie, and remember how much I love you.

Nights-ty nights and sweet dreams! And Happy Birthday Diana ^_^

Beautiful Disaster

Dear bloggie,

Been FOREVER hasn't it? Okay maybe not as long as a year but...


Things has been on the rough side recently but my world has been revolving healthily.


The all electronic restrictions are called off,
I get to be with my bestest buddies (who are mostly guys - gay or not is a different story yea...),
There's definitely a night I can drink away with no limit,
Might be working hard till the latest nights but no one's holding me back,
These flabs has a chance to go back here it belongs,
Tears can stay where it should be,
My heart doesn't need to bleed any further,


And most of all, I get to taste how promising is like and how easy someone whom you believe can give you happiness is not always the same person who is your life. It was an eye opening experience which was not the easy way. But I am very confident that this time around, I'm not the same Doll whom I was, and I don't plan to stay old and broken.


You're beautiful - a beautiful disaster.


Anyway, life has taught me a little of everything such as keeping in touch with people whom I've always thought "are busy and not disturb them" might not be as "busy" as they sound or might have seem to be. Often a time, we restarin ourselves from everything that's in the bigger picture but are worried about how it'll be; that's me. I give up on trying hard. The one thing I learnt from you - it'll happen when it should and it's yours if it is. Not the fanciest ways no doubt.


"You don't need friends, alone is always better"
I've been in contact with my oldest of the oldest friends and boy am I glad I've called every dong from every nook and cranny! They've really helpful in my downest days. A college friend'a mine whom I was invited out with is close to lunacy; he's so out of this planet, I just found out he's married. How cool is that? And the wedding bells rang in June. Hello - I've been in contact with you for the past months! Could you've been nicer to even tell this good news? Some friend! Then again, it was good dinner, good company and most of all, a good laugh.

"Why should you be sexy for everyone else? It's so sluttish"
My sexy pin-up look is the best of me. Dita Von Teese is my idol. If I could wear corsets everyday and not worry about running about, moving around, I'd do it. Up to date, I've got a generous amount which I SHALL wear them to events. Except my annual dinner this year which has the WORST dress code ever. And about that, I really gotta get another corset lace...

"Technology is the worst thing invented on earth"
Good Lord, Holy macarony I tell you. Twitter would've won the "Best Ranting Website" in the galaxy. Reasoning? No one else would listen. I mean, look, who on the face of Earth wants to listen to sob stories, ridiculous rants and cranky complains? Once it's done, the world seem to be the best place to live so what's the problem with technology? I, for one, love it!~

"You can't dance. There'll be guys who'll partner with you"
All I've ever been good at was dancing but mum and dad didn't approve that; not until they realized how wonderfully talented my hips could shimmy. I did think it'll be good to stay away from male partners in dancing but belly dancing is a no-no? You're kidding me. The biggest excuse would've made sense if it was said nicely. But... So, I don't aim to do it just yet. I'm sitting here waiting for the OLDEST buddy I've kept in touch with since since to learn and now, I'm so excited I can hardly breathe. Hesitant - yes. Reluctant - no. I hope I can catch up quick!

Somedays, I wished I stayed asleep my whole life because the dreams all seemed sweeter no matter what happens because when I flip my eyelids open, reality comes crashing back into me. Honestly, I was desperate to lose myself as much as I could. Not every day is a perfect fairy tale especially in mine. I've come to a point where, life is too pointlessly short to stay solemn. My only worry is my distrubed routines and a new path to change. Or like Krazy Ken, "All we have been leaving behind are dotted lines. Sometimes we've gotta move back and draw the line from where we were" and it made sense. BUT, I learnt that it WASN'T his phrase! It was Steve Jobs! That Esso. Whatever they both said, it made sense.

How ever fucked up my dreams were because of you, at least I woke up from it.

G'day bloggie. Hasn't been the happiest moments that happen yet again. But, I'm happy inside. Love you so much bloggie! I'll definitely have something more exciting in life after last Wednesday. Take good care'a yerself there no matter what~ Bye!~~

Bouncin' Bunnification 2011

Dear bloggie,

Happy last day of new yearrrrrr~ Been a blast since we're in SPAR! Can't ask for more when I truly believe that this year of the bouncin' bunny,'ll be the best year ever and I so cannot wait for the months to come. Within the past week, good news has been pouring in (except for certain factors which was obviously unavoidable... which is obviously very saddening... ugh...). That's just the way life is isn't it?

College on the academic line is done for and over! No more classes and one internship for my psych left to do. Going back to Green Factory because I heard they were short-handed and it's my best chance to permanently stay there... Or will I? I'm expecting the best but, expectations always let me down so I'll keep my chin up high till the day comes. This time, it'll be the HR Dept. under supervision of Ms. Super Sr. and the rest of the HR team. The HR team is particularly, absurd. I remember that day when I went back to help, they were the only crazy group who did the craziest poses on the Happiness Float (a' bunnies & horses)! Makes life so worth it~ Again, I look forward to a better future with them with all those superb perks; not to mention that the bosses love me, for now!

Being able to be here in a different environment sure is great and after almost a decade there, it's definitely too long. We love the neighborhood and people, the facilities are not bad too (can't be expecting the best from a small place), I finally (okay so it's my sister and I, not just me) have my own set of NEW furniture WITH my favorite part'a all queen size baby!~ And of course the whole place is just the best of everything that has happened. My PC is all done, the anti-virus is all done, small's PC is all done... Another great thing is the bikes. I haven't met their owners but their bikes! Haha... I have a feeling that the matte black one downstairs is a Malay dude's bike. Oh the pain! There're a few more scramblers and stuff but that's only from one block anyway hahaha... But seriously, a few more boxes, some brackets and shelves and a good wall mounted hat rack from IKEA will help a whole lot. Oh and Daiso too! I convinced mum and dad and relatives about the goodness of RM5's worth. Turned out pretty good and we're getting lotsa stuff from there now - anti-scratch cork pieces, containers, canvas/recycle bag material bags for my PS1 and 2, document tray, hooks, hangers, dehumidifiers and several more which I can't exactly remember.

So far, I've been sailing the single safe waves pretty well but it wasn't too kind towards me sometimes, most of the time. Been a lonely dreamer apart from that. Guess I've almost got everything but a partner. Too young to look for one? Maybe. But it's always good to have company, special company. No they aren't the birds and the bees; they're the hugs & kisses, love & cuddles, fun & fiery companions. Truthfully, I give on TOTALLY on long distance whatnot whatnot simply because I'm not strong enough for one and I don't intend to wreck anything including his heart. Therefore, I'm keeping those away since I'm in the process of being hurt by someone who's, been almost a world to me and another party who's suddenly too incompatible. Perhaps it's good to start my career first then carry on with this?

Dream come true yet nightmare. Whatever it is, I'm somewhat satisfied with what I have for now. The rest will have to line up. Oh and I have my line of Pokemon on my monitor's base! Woohoo~~ Finally, I can actually look at them when I'm using my PC...!

Till then, I don't have much to update. Do take care of yourself there bloggie. Not sure when I can update but it's gotta be soon since small's upgrading her baby (?) with gadgets with her angpow money (like how I've gotta spend my money on working baju's). Love you a whole darn lot and have fun there! It's a Terribly Terrific Thursday here! By the way, no one throws oranges anymore? I wanna collect those banana's what the hell! Where ya'll humans be? Bye bloggie!!

Couz-terrific Thursday

Dear bloggie,

I felt so much love within seconds - brain-love-fart just because daddy called home today and was itchy, "Eh, tomorrow ah, I take leave okay?".

So much so, I just wanted to throw pictures of my family onto you and be happier!

Oh how time flies~ Even faster by the days now. Those were good times. Don't worry. They're a whole lot more'a pictures actually. Maybe a little too big for bloggie too!

(Realize how I HAD gradually to put on weight along the years!)

And so we have a part of what I have in my albums in my pc... Most of them MIGHT have been repeated but it's always neater to have them reminded of how sweet and tantalizing life rewarded me! God bless you loves and (me) may we be bonded even after we're old and shriveled! Hahaha...

That's all I have to add and update today. Nothing grand really. Just some moments for me to be happy again~ Take care bloggie! Loving you as lots as always~ I'll see when I get to update again!

See You in 10

Dear bloggie,

Okay so I did NOT post anything up for New Years. Nothing much really happened but I do pray hard for a better year, 2011 compared to 2010 (since that year sucked big time for multiple reasons...).

For one good thing, I did my version of New Year's look and the color turned out great. Since it's fun to cheat, I'll post up a nice picture of the photoshopped version as I always do (instead of the actual picture - mwahahahahahahahahaha *coughcoughchokecoughcoughcough*).

It's the 9th today and there're so many things lined up this month for my family and I which I can't wait! Since there really isn't anything much, I've updated my wishlist & resolutions for this year and the months to come. Is this realistic?:-

Resolutions (that would probably never happen like the years before =3)

~ SUPER LOSE THIS EXCESS FAT. Like seriously. They're a waste of space and they're killing my old clothes in my wardrobe!

~ in search for a "Happily Ever After"

~ Learn all the proper swimming techniques in 6months!

~ A little handmade craft in the room will do better

Upated ~>

~ Fix up my AMD pc and make sure it lives longer than every few months! ERGH

~ train up on my shooting skill WHICH I SO TOTALLY SUCK NOW!

(This might add on along the way...)

Wishlist (might/might not?)

~ Yoshi plushie -> Huggable size! (don't ask why)

~ A3 sized cutting mat

~ lappie (through the brochures -> Toshiba's Satelite L645-1052X/Fujitsu's LifeBook LH530)

~ 1:43 Honda S2000 car model (metallic maroon) -> My favvy car since I was 14/15 which I obviously know I cannot drive...

~ flattering kebaya top and a new sarung... The old sarung, decided to NOT fit me anymore

~ eye care cream by Clinique

~ Revlon Colorburst Lipgloss -> Peony

~ Revlon Colorburst Lipstick -> Soft Nude

~ Revlon Colorstay Liquid Foundation -> um... I forgot the color? Hehehe....

~ 88 Eyeshadow Palette (non-shimmer) -> ugh can't stand shimmer much!

~ simple pair'a casual slippers to match girly clothings. Hate my feet. Ugh...

~ Mary Janes! 3inches perhaps since my height.. well you get the point

~ EXTREMELY simple black platform wedges (found in Vincci with a reasonable price but contemplating...)

~ The Sims3 Original + Expansion Packs!

~ Logitech webcam - for once, it won't give up on me half way right?

So far... I think that's about it. I've been on a crazy shopping spree recently which I believe isn't healthy at all. Can't wait to shop (what??) for CNY, SPAR and meet Black Mamba to settle the stuff I need by Monday!

Phew~ Life can be a bitch sometimes don't you agree? I'll see when I can update you again bloggie. Do take care... Can't always be there for you, but you know I love you too much I can't let go either! Sweet dreams~ G'night bloggie! God bless and I'll update soon!